@Chumpstring: I let people know that I'm no weirdo. I say "I'm no weirdo!" From that point forward, it's just a matter of keeping my mouth off their pets.
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@gavinpivott: A really hot girl asked me for my number today and all I had to do was hit her car with my car.
@shkeeber: Her: 911, what's your emerge- Me: SOMEONE'S WEARING CROCS! Her: Sir, that's not an em- Me: WITH A FANNY PACK! Her: I'll send an officer.