@shutupmikeginn: I lied and told someone, "I can't go to your party I have diarrhea." I actually do have diarrhea but historically that hasn't stopped me
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@iwearaonesie: *comes back with wife's purse* w: I said don't run or people will think you stole it! How many times did you get tackled? m:[bleeding] Twice
@causticbob: When your prospective father-in-law asks:"Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?" Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"
@samalmightysam: Don't worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex's name tattooed.