@AndyAsAdjective: I lied. There was no crime. I just wanted to see how long it would take the police sketch artist to realize I was describing Patrick Swayze.
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@leifromloihi: [opens fortune cookie] be careful what you wish for [opens another] this is your final warning
@Moldy_Jellybean: Just when I manage to convince myself that I am a superior and more intelligent being, I walk into a door.
@Faux_Ma: My Daughter wants a Cinderella-themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
@Jenny4ashley: Sure, I'd take a bullet for you, but how does robbing an ammunition store prove my love?