@tweetsvisual: I like a good strong woman. But I prefer them not to be named Olga and bench press me in front of my friends.
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@BritXNic: You can tell a lot about a man by the way he calls off the wedding and starts dating your brother.
@rainerfm: I once watched a mime choke to death on a street corner and everyone applauded. For a couple of reasons.
@_coryrichardson: me: *gets down on one knee* girlfriend: omg, it’s finally happening me: *falls over* girlfriend: the poison is kicking in