@topaz_kell: I like being handcuffed, but not plant heroin in my car, handcuffed.
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@Ideal_Victoria: If anyone is living vicariously through me, you just bought yourself Flintstones chewable vitamins.
@novicefather: [grocery store with 2yo] Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next? Me: a vasectomy
@TheMichaelRock: Cinderella taught girls that it's ok if a guy has no idea what you look like as long as he's a prince.