@Humor_Fetish: I like dating chicks with kids, because snacks
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@huntigula: Dove: ..then he called me a fat pigeon! [sobs] Prince: "There there, cry it out" [starts recording] Um, you are a therapist, right? "Sure"
@robotrowboat: [death row] Okay Johnson, it’s time. Any last requests? Pardon me? I said it’s time, any last—ah I see what you did there, Johnson. Good one
@kelkulus: A friend of mine is allergic to both peanut butter and bees, which he discovered when he bit into the worst sandwich ever.