@Humor_Fetish: I like dating chicks with kids, because snacks
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@jwoodham: Some people say America is obese, but I blame our flag. Everyone knows that horizontal stripes make you look fatter.
@WheelTod: Top prank: when your friend falls asleep, place his hand in a bowl of warm water so he wakes up with one regular hand & one wrinkly one.
@goldengateblond: "We had unprotected sex. Give us a present." -- the subtext of every baby shower