@Quartzjixler: I like for my resolutions to be attainable so this year I resolve that I will neither become the pope nor will I become a cannibal.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ArfMeasures: [Prison] ME: Just don't mention anything about breaking free & they won't suspect a thing *guard enters* FREDDIE MERCURY *clears throat*
@AmericanGent69: Credit card company called to ask about some charges on my statement. It wasn’t a fraud check. They were just questioning my life choices.
@Lunatic_times: It might be a sign you have a drinking problem when the cashier at the liquor store asks if you own a bar.
@chuuew: The inventor of rock, paper, scissors must have been an extremely dangerous man if he considered paper a weapon.