@ShittyComedian: I like how all these people are acting like they've never seen a naked 37 year old man fight 3 security guards at a mall food court before.
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@markedly: What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving? 1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise
@pauleggleston: My wife and I can't agree on appropriate gardening attire. But she's digging in her heels.
@Ygrene: Me: [talking out loud while I write in my diary] today was ok, I just wish I could have eaten more breadsticks Waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks
@vineyille: It says here on your resume that you're "good at traps," could you expand on that while I investigate this pile of leaves on the floor?