@ShesARealGenius: I like how Band-Aids come in 2 varieties: Stays on For a Second Before Falling Off or Needs WD-40 For Removal From Skin.
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@DrDogMD: PATIENT: Doc, I haven't been able to bone my wife lately and I really think- DR DOG: Wait. Tell me more about the bone part
@SCbchbum: The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize.
@dumbbeezie: I hate it when you have french fries and all of the sudden people are acting like they like you