@JermHimselfish: I like how commercials for gum seem to be predicting a cold, dystopian future where our survival depends on the freshness of our breath.
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@ch000ch: 9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole "i don't give a shit anymore" pizzas
@OhNoSheTwitnt: The sign at this gas station says "turn engine off" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street.
@UncleDuke1969: *taps Canadian *mumbles "Apple starts with..." "Eh?" *whispers "Your blood type?" "Eh?" *mutters "Best grade?" "Eh?" *giggles *runs away