@sulkywhitegirl: I like how my autocorrect changes "hun" to "Hun," like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century European nomads.
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@DrunkkLawyer: During sex it's perfectly fine to say 'yeah', 'yes', 'oh yes'..but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming 'Yep' ..
@slaughthie: Whoever speaks at my funeral will probably just look over at my casket and say "well, she was always kind of like this."
@TheToddWilliams: Man: You've been very loyal but it's best we part ways Dog: I don't understand. What's the problem? Man: Your talking kinda freaks me out.