@Sarcasticsapien: I like how people say pets love you unconditionally like if you didn't feed them and someone else did they wouldn't go to them immediately.
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@K_Chapacabra: Call me faithless, but I just can't believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
@bourgeoisalien: My cat just wrote the Great American Novel. Let me read you a page, "Meow meow meow meow meow meow." Dunno, think it's a little pretentious.
@timdonakowski: Boss: I'm following you on Twitter. Me: Sweet! 'Nother follower! [Days later] Me: Oh wait. Shit.
@SteveKoehler22: Turkeys are crazy. They hunch down and freeze in groups in grocery store coolers to elude hunters. Must be a safety in numbers thing.