@fuzzlime: I like how the dude in the next self-checkout lane is trying to disarm me with small talk like we don't both know this is a goddamn race
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@OutOnTheMoors: "Suddenly, my hair collapsed." - And I started to regret offering to edit my friend's first novel.
@rolldiggity: I fill my pockets with glitter so when people ask me for money, I can turn them out to show that I'm broke, but still a little fancy.
@carlyken: My work day has been like the movie Sound of Music. But with less singing. And more Nazis.
@jus4golf: I hang out with people smarter than me so when the zombies attack they will eat their brains first while I escape. Who's the idiot now Mom!?