@bazecraze: I like how we say "vegan" now instead of "eating disorder".
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@loudmouth_usa: Him: If you could have dinner with any people, living or dead, who would you choose? Me: All the dead ones
@professorkiosk: Games are for those who like to restrict themselves arbitrarily to certain actions for a specified period of time in the hopes of "winning."
@Sean_Burgundy_: My 40 yard dash time: 5.5 My 40 yard dash time after seeing my gf with my phone in her hands: 4.3
@omerwahaj: Cop (catches me with a bag of marijuana, a dead duck and a dead crow): Sir, what were you doing? Me: Killing two birds while being stoned.