@audipenny: I like how your profile picture is you at your wedding, so are you like a professional bride
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the "life of the party."
@Merman_Melville: (Guy who was trapped in a well for 20 years standing in front of the Get Well Soon cards at the pharmacy, frowning)
@Reverend_Scott: Me: I'm too scared to fly Therapist: You're more likely to die from a shark attack than a plane crash Me: OMG SHARKS CAN FLY?