@audipenny: I like how your profile picture is you at your wedding, so are you like a professional bride
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@dreamthievin: Too bad the Kardashian show couldn't be like "The Ring" and kill anyone who watches it.
@ValeeGrrl: [at son's Little League game] ME: which one's yours OTHER MOM: the pitcher. You? ME: the one performing Lord of the Dance in left field
@EndhooS: Fireman: Is anyone else inside the house? Me: Uh yes..my son is trapped in my room he- [fireman charges into blaze] ..HE LOOKS LIKE AN XBOX