@audipenny: I like how your profile picture is you at your wedding, so are you like a professional bride
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@GrillinChillin9: Smiles from ear to ear. Wife: what are you smiling about? Our dog just took a giant dump in our neighbors yard Wife: God I love that dog.
@Chumpstring: Keep a few cat turds in your pockets, just in case a cop searches you. He will get cat poop on his hands, and you can laugh. It's all legal.
@jake_likes_naps: DATING TIP: PULL THE CHAIR OUT FOR HER. PICK THE CHAIR UP & FOLD IT. HIT HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR. GET THE 3 COUNT. NEW WWE CHAMPION
@kathradical: I got my first period during Shrek 2 live in theaters which means I entered Shrek 2 a child & left a woman