@Yankeegiant72: I like listening to Phil Collins in the shower. He gets creeped out when he sees me, though.
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@bingowings14: Snail cop: So tell me about the sloth that attacked you. Snail: It all happened so fast.
@Robert_Beau: Her: Put your finger on it! Me: Like this? Her: Oh yeah, I can finish now! -Making the perfect bow
@Henry_3k: You say I'm handsome but you also said your employer cancelled your optical coverage & you haven't had new glasses in 4 years, but thanks.
@YesImMatt: When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?