@Moi_RaRa: I like long walks while holding hands.. which always seems a little awkward with strangers on the beach.
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@panmidwest: [introducing my new girlfriend to my brothers] ME: …so basically this is my last day at the monastery
@MarkusJ: *first astronaut lands on Mars* NASA: How does it feel son? Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band
@CulturedRuffian: Dear Lord, Thank you for these noodles I'm about to eat and the good deal I got buying them in bulk at Costco. RA-MEN!
@GreenishDuck: Sorry it took me 10 months to text you back. I'm a snake now and I typed this with my head.