@Nahdude83: I like making babies... Unsuccessfully, of course.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Instead of a happy ending the masseuse gave me an indie movie ending. She stopped suddenly at a random point and left everything unresolved.
@Sassafrantz: Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me.
@Smooheed: I like to make things awkward at family gatherings by walking up behind each person and whispering 'I know what you did last Christmas'