@MunkMania: I like men in uniform, but sometimes it's hard to flirt when they're handcuffing me for menacing or rescuing me from another kitchen fire.
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@GingerHotDish: *waves arm in the direction of the lake* One day, all this will be yours. 12: Are you threatening to drown me? Me: Just make your bed, k?
@summerofbenny: "I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure." - Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.
@Chumpstring: [car dealership] ME: [not savvy] i need a new car SALESMAN: what kind ME: car SALESMAN: haha what kind of car ME: [perspiring freely] new