@katy_baybay: I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through Columbia behind a donkey.
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@LeonEarlgrey: Cop1:did u hear about the kidnapping? Cop2: should we go help? Cop1: No it's ok he woke up. This fall on CBS "Good Cop, Dad Cop"
@WetzelGeek: I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a "Pregnant Only" parking spot in front of the Liquor store.
@imdaintyaf: I'm so incapable of accepting a compliment that I've started just flat out refusing them. Them: You look lovely today. Me: No thank you.
@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.