@adamallday: I like my meth labs like I like my girlfriends: highly unstable and locked in my basement.
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@OtherDanOBrien: [police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass.
@Shock_Monster: Christian Mingle: Find God's match for you. Because the Lord works in mysterious ways. Like setting up a website for his people to hook up.
@SaddestTiger: sometimes i call watermelons summer pumpkins and nobody ever knows what im talking about.