@aspaul: I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: [deathbed] Son, your online girlfriend, how closely cropped are her pics? -Just face, Dad. She's very modest She's. A. Dude. *flatlines*
@Jessberrie: I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but the fried me for no raisin #PunYourJob
@KevinFarzad: Ways I'm like a tea kettle: 1) need water 2) start screaming when someone forgets abt me 3) could burn down a house but probably never will