@aspaul: I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods.
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@AnitaHelmet: Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.
@sarcasm_inc: Sorry I'm late, guys. SOMEbody.. *gestures at wife* told me this knife fight started at.. *sees everyone holding guns* FANtastic, Ellen
@LuvPug: I just deleted the same tweet twice for two different typos and now I can't tweet it again because it's already been stolen