@Ristolable: I like my women like I like my coffee. I look at coffee but I am afraid to talk to it
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@realHamOnWry: *sets trap* *snares the Easter Bunny* *pats his head* *lets him go* What?!?...What did you think I was going to do, you savages.
@adriennekhals: Worst day. Had a tampon behind my ear all afternoon and still cant find my cigarette.
@HeidiCF8: I'm going to write "I miss you" on a rock. Then throw it at your face. I just want you to know how much it hurts..
@HMittelmark: If somebody at a party tells you they're a writer, get excited, hold up the nearest book, and ask, wide-eyed, "DID YOU WRITE THIS?"