@Ristolable: I like my women like I like my coffee. I look at coffee but I am afraid to talk to it
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@sirmunchie: Me: I'll write u a haiku! Her: I'm just impressed u know how to spell haiku. Me: *deletes "how to spell high-koo" from browser history*
@MarlonBrandNO: [First Date] "Okay don't let her know you're a tool shed" Waiter: Anything to drink? Date: a screwdriver please *My head slowly opens*
@jsteele3966: People who wait 3 hours to respond to a text "LOL" should be punched in the neck. Your not fooling anybody. You weren't LOLing that long.
@orange_rhymer: Me: I invited Todd over for dinner. Wife: Uncle Todd or Todd who takes things literally? *Todd exits out the back door with our television*