@Ristolable: I like my women like I like my coffee. I look at coffee but I am afraid to talk to it
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@ericsshadow: My fashion sense has been described as "They probably won't let you in like that" and "Are those your pajamas?"
@fro_vo: Date: any pets? Me: a pet rock D: lol at least u don’t have to housetrain it Me: *flashback to piles of pebbles all over my house* haha yeah
@murrman5: [wife talking to me on phone 45 mins after I go to play poker at friends house] "stop crying for a second...what do you mean you lost me?"