@SkinnerSteven: I like my women like I like my coffee, passed through the digestive system of a cat
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: What kind of cake for your birthday? Wife: Just something with chocolate [later, me in the kitchen melting chocolate over a crab cake]
@FishySnowborder: Went out drinking at the bar last night. Took a cab home. Trying to figure out what to do with the cab in my garage?
@murrman5: [overhears wife complaining about me on phone] he's always overreacting and making a mess *spits chocolate milk everywhere* ARE YOU SERIOUS?