@OutrageousM: I like playing with my dog when I'm high. Because I don't have one when I'm sober.
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@nPhelendriqal: "I'll have what she's having." " Sir, this is a gynecolo-" "Shhhh.. *puts finger over Dr's lips* I said I'll have what she's having."
@BCMontgo: [commercial for pants] *naked guy attempts to put phone in pocket, falls on floor, cracks screen* There has to be a better way!