@andsarah2: I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
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@CerebralWreck: Lawyer: why do you want a divorce? Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly. Me: it's not my cup of shoes, Linda!
@adamhess1: So if Humpty Dumpty is an egg, what species is the thing inside him? Another egg? "No I mean do you have any questions about the job?"
@RandomManik: Every crime show turns into sitcom when the cops bring the husband for questioning and he asks, "Why would anyone want to kill their wife?"
@LovestruckLayla: So I have one coworker who uses "irregardless" and another who uses "unappropriate" and now I'm over trying to conversate with these people.