@iMikosnyc: I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams.
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@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
@TheTalkingPipe: Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
@VerifiedDrunk: Getting marriage advice from a priest is like taking your lawn mower to Burger King to get repaired.
@dadofbieber: Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9 men.