@birbigs: I like the show on fox news where there are 4 conservative idiots yelling at one liberal idiot.
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@bingowings14: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.
@CrazyClarine: After Paris my Airbnb host tried to say I stained her sheets & headboard w/ hair dye, but the gag is I don't wear hair to bed.
@FilthyRichmond: Walmart keeps two elderly people on staff at all times: one to greet you, and one to walk slowly in front of you on the way out.
@MatCro: PROFESSOR X: Quick! Magneto, save that bus full of kids! MAGENTO: I think you've got the wrong guy. *turns everything purple*