@julieklausner: I like the word funfetti because it takes confetti, which is used in somber occasions, like funerals, and it repurposes it for fun
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@i_wantMyBiitch: I gently slid her panties to the side.... so that I cud fit the rest of her socks in the drawer.
@RorynotRoy: Give a man a compliment & he'll be all, "Yeah, I've been working out." Teach a man to fish for a compliment & he'll be all, "I feel SO fat."
@1Happytwit: You should never bribe someone to get what you want. You should blackmail them, it's cheaper and much more effective.
@TheRolo: [Chased by cops on foot] *Turns corner and lays DVD of The Notebook on floor* *Cops get lost in Ryan Gosling's eyes* *Makes clean getaway*