@bourgeoisalien: I like this time of year because I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display
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@SamGrittner: I'm surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn't incorporated into more American Holidays.
@michaelianblack: As new head of Westboro Baptist Church, I'm expanding who God hates. To start: delivery guys, vegetarians, and people who do Sudoku.
@khook32: Apparently telling the principal that "it's not cheating, it's cooperative learning" was the wrong thing to say.