@bourgeoisalien: I like this time of year because I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display
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@onelongbender: This woman at work sounds just like me. I'm going to pay her to call my Mom and occasionally say mmhmm and how nice.
@drinksmcgee: My kids are in Karate class and I'm just sitting here thinking that I could kick the shit out of half these 6 year olds.
@shkeeber: Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family.