@bourgeoisalien: I like this time of year because I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display
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@BritXNic: I'm sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets.
@bmarked21: Don't expect me to tweet between 8 & 9 pm because that's when I dress like Madonna for an hour and dance provocatively in front of my pets.
@minealone6: Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes in the bathroom.
@faizziy: There are days & nights where I'm surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house.