@Elizasoul80: I like to ask strangers in line at the DMV to guess my weight just so I can see what I can get away with putting on my license.
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@JONOCOYOTE: [crime scene] •detective flips open pocket watch• Hmmm...precisely what I thought "What's that sir" •closes watch• It's lunch time
@myles_morrison: People with profile pictures of their kids. Stop it. All I can think is, why are these toddlers trying to add me on facebook?
@HatfieldAnne: Dinner: I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH! IT WILL NEVER HEAL! NOTHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT AGAIN! Next morning: Oh, OK.
@AverageCorners: Me: Okay, bed time. Brain: I'm with you, man. I'm tired. Nose: GUYS I LEARNED HOW TO WHISTLE "PATIENCE" BY GUNS N' ROSES!