@sarcasticmommy4: I like to confuse my husband. So I smiled at him this morning.
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@moose_chocolate: *man invents wheel* "How can we possibly improve this?" *Man invents wheel of cheese* "Nailed it!"
@ninatreemonkey: Met my boyfriend on eharmony, also eharmony is the nickname I gave this vending machine, meet my sandwich
@TheWadest: *requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: "Where to?" Me: "oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."