@Zombieionism: I like to diffuse situations with humornnnnnnnnnAnd a machete
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@mbichaela: me [to snail on ceiling]: ah ure a cute lil guy how'd u get up there? snail: I just want to die pls why do I have to be so sticky
@clindsaysway: Just finished reading the Declaration of Independence to my kids, and they went to live with their dad
@klickitatstreet: I'd only marry someone if they seemed like they'd be pretty easygoing during our divorce.
@Easy_Tiger__: Guys remember: if you encounter a girl in her natural habitat, don't panic. She's just as scared as you. Make loud noises, she will run off.