@JiminyKicksIt: I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it 'cuz it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
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@ghostkrogh: [at funeral] My brother was so realistic and sensible. I guess you could say- *casket is lowered into the ground* -he was down to earth.
@WilliamAder: If HBO released all ten episodes of Game of Thrones at once, maybe I'd be able to remember the characters' names from episode to episode.
@rumsnipe: Mechanic : your motor is losing power and it won't last long. Me : you been talking to my wife bro?
@Cheeseboy22: The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open.