@megankcomedy: I like to eat spaghetti with my hands so people don't even have to ask how I'm doing
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@ericsshadow: My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.
@Shock_Monster: Her: What's a girl gotta do to get a drink? Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*
@jharden21: Me as a news anchor: an explosion at a nearby t-shirt warehouse resulted in thousands of *turns head to other camera* casual tee casualties
@Sassafrantz: Me: There's nothing better than a quiet evening out with friends after a hectic week. Tequila: We're gonna fight every girl in this bar!