@megankcomedy: I like to eat spaghetti with my hands so people don't even have to ask how I'm doing
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@pinupteacher: ME: For my final wish, I'd like to lose some weight. GENIE: Only way is to eat less and exercise more. ME: This is bullshit.
@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.
@PretendMaker: *into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers
@dshack8: Bummed cuz parents wont send their kids to my resort that teaches how to pay attention. I thought "Concentration Camp" would be a gold mine.