@megankcomedy: I like to eat spaghetti with my hands so people don't even have to ask how I'm doing
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@carebear4647: No Twitter crush. I have a twitter boyfriend who I intend to marry and have twitter babies. Then twitter divorce and take all his followers.
@frankzulla: "Ohhh, a knife! What are you gonna do, stab me or something?" - Guy about to get stabbed bad
@AndyAsAdjective: Judging by this sunburn, I'd say the sunscreen I lathered on earlier was SPF goddamn liar.
@causticbob: On this day eleven years ago, Greece won Euro 2004. Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.