@damagedprincess: I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
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@KKAlThani: *throws a grenade at Bruno Mars' girlfriend* *Bruno Mars appears out of nowhere and catches it* *it explodes and both of them die*
@Shelts99: Neighbour:How's the wife? Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant? Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next
@thr33circles: Quitting twitter is the adult version of running away from home. We ALL know you're doing it for attention and we ALL know you'll be back.
@TattedChanel: So Brad Pitt is being investigated for child abuse after yelling at his kids on a flight. Better send my mum to the electric chair then.