@damagedprincess: I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
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@SodomyClown: If someone says "I will do anything for you" lean in really close and say "There's a body in my basement and I can't eat it all by myself."
@MrAdamBez: What do you mean I've had enough to drink?!! Hold my beer while I fight this lamppost.
@thejessbess: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm not so sure what I did, but he sent me a text that only said, "K" so it must be pretty bad.
@sunexplode: Act happy in the supermarket checkout line to contradict the sad story unfolding on the conveyor belt.