@damagedprincess: I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
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@sarcasm_inc: Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper.
@michael_raphone: Actually, the past tense is 'hanged' as in 'he hanged himself'. Sorry about your dad, though
@Boleyngirly: I don't know why this driver threw his hands up and asked what I was doing. I thought it was pretty clear I was cutting him off.
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there was a grim recognition of the fundamental uselessness of man's endeavors.