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@AntozWolf: I like to hide condom wrappers in my married friends pockets.
@david8hughes: "The best things in life are free." ~ shoplifters.
@LithiumJunkie: There are going to be a lot of drunk mosquitos tonight.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Just gave this idiot a thumbs up for cutting me off, and I think I might not understand road rage.
@kelkulus: My girlfriend and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by breaking up six years ago.
@meganamram: I'm so lucky, I married my best friend!! I hope my husband doesn't find out