@hurlarious: I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I'm on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I'm famous
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@Vodkantots: In hell, every day is Thanksgiving and you're never allowed to unbutton your pants.
@Mikecanrant: A flash mob has nothing to do with a bunch of Italians in trench coats hanging out at a playground, apparently.
@davidkenny100: It's impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. So this is your uncle, you live with him now.