@Ty_Schutz: I like to leave odd yelp reviews for fast food restaurants that say things like, "Not overly racist."
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@WheelTod: [business meeting at restaurant] "There's more than one way to skin a cat" [Family of cats at next table] *mom cat puts paw on cat dad's arm
@HatfieldAnne: Att'n birds in my yard: the one to the LEFT of the feeder is for drinking, the one to the RIGHT is for bathing. Get it together you guys.
@thetigersez: Finding a guy to marry who is rich enough to pay off my debt, but not so rich he wants a prenup is, like, so much harder than I anticipated.