@clindsaysway: I like to make a guy feel welcome in the morning by surrounding him with stuffed animals while he sleeps.
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@iRowlf: I'm returning this head of lettuce. It tastes awful. "Sir, that's a loofah." Oh. I'm returning this loofah. Someone took a bite out of it.
@Tups13: Her: You know what turns me on? Adventurers who survive adversity. Me: Once I got lost inside my duvet cover and thought I was going to die.
@MyPornKhan: When folks unfollow me shortly after they've followed me I just figure they sobered up.