@Smooheed: I like to make things awkward at family gatherings by walking up behind each person and whispering 'I know what you did last Christmas'
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@JMNuch23: When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply by 3 and add the number of guys in her phone named Tyler
@robdelaney: "Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."
@seandunn76: 4 in 3 people have syphilis. Look to your left. Look to your right. One of you has syphilis twice.