@SummerCandyEyes: I like to make things awkward on first dates just by shouting "wrong hole!!" at inappropriate times, like when you're eating.
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@michaelianblack: Finally saw the new Batman. SPOILER ALERT: the Bane character is up to no good.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at the pearly gates] I said, "send me a selfie." Then she said, "too ugly today." So I said, "never stopped you before" ...& here I am.
@fridaycandy: I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is "love" but it's actually "floor" .
@MarlonBrandNO: Me: I have Schrödinger like reflexes "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" Me: Yes and No.