@timdonakowski: I like to mute CNN and imagine they're arguing about what appetizer, or appetizers, to order at TGIFridays.
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@Iam_Nathaniel: Girlfriend catches boyfriend cheating Boyfriend: WOOOW!!! So you gon believe your eyes over me?
@iwearaonesie: me: Dave's coming over wife: Nice Dave or Dave who picked a fight with a kid named Cancer? *Dave walks in wearing an "I Beat Cancer" shirt*
@preshmomes: my car is dead & i saw a dead spider under the hood so like, do i need a new spider? i dont know a lot about how cars work
@themiltron: i couldn't tell you, officer, they were wearing masks, they could have been any group of armed anthropomorphic turtles