@WalkingOutside: I like to pack a healthy lunch for work so that by 3 p.m. I'm ready to do unspeakable things for a piece of chocolate.
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@jacquelinehey: Joe: Okay so we sneak in one night around February, steal his shoes Obama: Joe Joe: And then dump legos all over the floor
@joejwest: DATE: I'm leaving ME: Why? D: You keep pretending to be a bat M: I don't D: You're doing it right now [a single tear rolls up my forehead]
@brakco: I thought I just had a bad headache but according to WebMD I'm a conjoined twin slowly dying from jaundice.