@lazerdoov: I like to picture my mom in the middle of the crowd at a Wu Tang concert, hands on her hips, just shouting grammar corrections back at them
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@LeBearGirdle: "Hey mom can Kyle come over?" mom: Kyle from your school or Kyle who is really bad at finishing other people's- [From outside] LOOFAS!
@mollzbenn: I made a grocery list last night when I was drunk and it just says "healthy stuff," "looob," and "you don't own me."
@LoveNLunchmeat: him: [has seen Jaws, is smart, knows what to do when he hears the Jaws theme music] me: [has never seen Jaws, is dead now]
@Book_Krazy: Ok, don't let them know you're a puma Interviewer: We're very impressed! You've got the job! "REALLY!?! I'M SO HAPPY I JUST PUMA PANTS"