@MissBamantha: I like to pride myself on knowing whether it's Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure by the first bum bum bum badda dum bum.
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@MarfSalvador: [Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!
@jennfer46: A policeman just knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes... My dogs don't even own bikes..
@Midgetspar: If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with "Buy a penguin". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome.
@sip_at_home_mom: Meatloaf wouldn't have looked so winded if he'd just named the one thing he won't do, instead of listing everything he would.