@weinerdog4life: I like to push the "stop time" button on the microwave and walk around in slow motion until my wife calls me an idiot.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@OhNoSheTwitnt: A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded "I don't post pictures of my food online" and I think she believed me.
@Loli_Sug: Me: Can you bring me a burrito Him: you want me to come over? Me: no. I want a burrito to come over.
@lenigs17: If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn't mean I'm stalking you...It just means you haven't looked nice in awhile
@Schroofles: I hate babies when they are crying. I hate people who love babies & think babies are cute. I hate grown up babies who make more babies.