@Tipocazzuto: I like to put a banana in each pocket just to confuse people.
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@crmotwo: Therapist: *holding up a stack of cards* look at these ink blots and tell me the first thing that pops into your head. Squid: danger, predator, escape, fear of death, danger, my mother-in-law, danger. Therapist: still on the first card.
@BoogTweets: Judas: I can’t wait for you to die Jesus: what Judas: Easter eggs, can’t wait for you to dye Easter eggs Jesus: what eggs?
@underchilde: Sorry I totaled your car. I saw your kid made the honor roll, so I let go of the wheel to applaud.