@FakeDeanAccount: I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: My mom is watching our kids for the night. Me: Oh, baby. Do you know what we can do? *falls asleep at 7 p.m.*
@TheKenyan_: Ways to make your woman happy. 1. Cook for her. 2. Surprise her with hugs & kisses. 3. Hide a lion in her apartment then rescue her.
@TitaniumToplass: I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. nnThe police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.