@Awesome_Todd: I like to remind my kids who's boss by putting a cherry tomato on top of their ice cream sundaes every once in a while.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@themiltron: [working at Bed Bath & Beyond] ME: Hi there, may I help you? What are you looking for? CUSTOMER: Shower head. ME: Sir, please, we just met.
@skullmandible: most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
@kevinseccia: I realized I was maybe not the best listener when a friend had to come out to me twice.
@Xalqee: You know you're an Alcoholic when you can't even say the word "sober" without making air quotes