@Awesome_Todd: I like to remind my kids who's boss by putting a cherry tomato on top of their ice cream sundaes every once in a while.
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@ShortSleeveSuit: Bank robber: I got the money! Let's get outta here! Me [waiting outside on our getaway unicycle]: *rings bike bell*
@GUBLERNATION: accidentally stabbed a friend last night but a little later a different friend caught on fire and i put him out with my hand so i'm even
@causticbob: I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.